Thursday, May 22, 2008

We have a tooth!!

I've been checking her mouth every morning for a LONG while, since her teeth have been so close. I didn't expect anything this morning, since there wasn't really any fuss last night.

BUT there was a sharp little thing there! So, I pried her mouth open to make her let me see, and sure enough!!

Of course, she won't let me get a picture, but as soon as I can get one, I'll post it!

Oh, it's her bottom right front one.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Some fun pictures from this morning.

And then she decided to attack Mommy.

Not eating her pasta

So, she likes pasta when I feed it to her. And she likes to feed herself. So, I thought she'd like to feed herself pasta, right? Apparently not. I think she didn't like the texture of it. But she had fun making a mess! She even got sauce in her ear!

And here's a piece she threw on the floor. I found one later clear across the room!

Thursday, May 15, 2008


Erin and I went to the Nature Park today and fed the ducks. She really enjoyed them, and they got pretty close!

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Jenny Lake, May 2, 2008

First, I have to say, that you shouldn't have a directionally disabled blonde woman, and a PREGNANT directionally disabled blonde woman (my friend) trying to get somewhere! My mapquest directions took me the way I DIDN'T want to go, so we got a big confused, and a bit lost, and ended up going TWO HOURS in the wrong direction before we figured it out (we were having a great conversation and hadn't realized how much time had passed and that we should have gotten there already). So we ended up taking a FOUR HOUR detour, and almost ran out of gas (I swear we made it to the gas station on fumes and a prayer!).

And this is what the babies did:

That's Erin on the right and Myla on the left. When they weren't sleeping they were stealing each other's toys and having a grand old time...for the most part.

So we FINALLY we made it to Jenny Lake...and it was FROZEN OVER. Yep. 3 feet of snow. I didn't make it down to the lakeside because the stairs down looked treacherous and with two babies we didn't want to risk it. Not only that but the wind coming over the snow-capped mountains and frozen lake was BITTER cold, and we soon had two shivering babies, so we didn't stay long.

But it was beautiful and I was so glad to be there even if for only moments.

And we had a great time getting lost! lol!!! It was actually a really great day. Gorgeous, fun day! I think Cora loved laughing at us.

Friday, May 2, 2008

Two years ago today

I held my sweet baby Cora for the first and last time.

Happy birthday angel baby. We will always love you.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

It was a gorgeous day.

I woke up at 11:15am, completely astounded that I had slept so long and so well. I was so SURE that I would go into labor in the early hours of the morning. Which would have been good for my sister, since she had been telling Cora to be born on her birthday pretty much since she found out I was pregnant. But...I hadn't gone into labor. Very disappointed, I got up and took a shower after I called Adrienne and said "Happy birthday, I'm not at the hospital."

It was there that I realized it. Cora always went crazy with movement when the hot water hit my belly. And she didn't. Not a stretch or twitch. I bruised my belly poking at it to get her to move. And then I broke down sobbing, on all fours, water running over me. I finally convinced myself that I was probably just freaking out, and got out, and got dressed. I walked into my bedroom, and my husband had been up for a while, already showered, just letting me sleep. I told him I couldn't get Cora to move. He seemed slightly worried but agreed with me when I said that I was probably just freaking out. I think I was HOPING it was all in my head.

After trying EVERYTHING I could to get her to move (including a tall, cold glass of koolaid, which always got a reaction in mere minutes, but didn't this time), I called my Doctor's office. And they were on their lunch hour.

So we went up to campus to turn in the paperwork Matt needed to turn in. And I had no contractions, which was strange. I had been getting contractions just from moving for the past couple of days, and I was walking uphill and up stairs and nothing. The ladies in the office asked me when I was due, I said May 14. They said "any moment now!" and were so excited. I didn't tell them. It broke my heart, because I STILL hadn't felt her move. Each moment that went by...I knew. But I still hoped I was wrong.

I called the office again, and got ahold of a nurse. She listed off all the things I should to to get movement, and I was nearly screaming at her, telling her I could GET her to move. I'd tried everything. "Yes, I've tried that. Yes, I've tried that. Listen, I CANNOT GET HER TO MOVE." She told me to come in and they'd check me out.

I sat in the waiting room for what seemed like forever. I don't even know how long it was. I chatted with the lady sitting next to me, who was waiting for her "big" ultrasound. She was so excited and happy, and I tried to be. How do you tell someone "yes, well, I'm here because I can't get my baby to move and I think something's terribly wrong." So I just chatted with her, turning off my brain.

They called me back. Dr. Barton used the doppler first and after a few minutes of not finding anything (and saying "I'd be a miracle worker if I found the heartbeat EVERY time with that thing.." trying not to worry me, although I could see the worry on his face), he turned on the ultrasound machine.

"There's her heart, and it's not beating."

I think I screamed. I don't remember, but I remember telling him that it was a cruel joke and he shouldn't be so mean to his patients. But he had tears in his eyes.

The rest of the day is a blur. Dr. Barton prescribed a sleep aid and I went to Walmart to get it filled, and the lady I had chatted with in the reception area was there. She saw my tears, and I saw that questioning look on her face, and I turned away and walked away as fast as I could. I didn't want to tell her. But my husband worked at Walmart, and we had to tell his manager that he wouldn't be in the next day. His manager gave him the rest of the week off with bereavement pay for the days he was scheduled. We went and told mine that I wouldn't be either. Tuesday had been my last scheduled day anyway.

And then we went home. Our bishop came and visited with us, which was comforting. Some friends brought us dinner. I laid on my couch and cried.

Horrible visions of what she would look like went through my head. I hated my belly, something I had loved so much before. Every time I bumped it or touched it, it reminded me of what I DIDN'T have anymore. I'm thankful for the sleep aid, because I didn't have dreams that night. I'm not sure I would have slept otherwise.